Saraah had been trying to get me to watch Heat, yes the 1995 Val Kilmer/Robert De Niro Heat, for maybe a year or 3 months, whatever, time is a flat circle. We finally were able to set aside the required 2.75 hours. I went into the experience fully naked of knowledge aside from a small portion of the cast and of course it was a non-stop thrill ride. Danny Trejo betrayed De Niro.
Betrejo.
Now all we have to do is formulate the movie into a trilogy as epic as The Boston Trilogy and all I know is that it also has to include 1997’s The Saint, also starring Vallie Kilms. The Kilmer Crime Trilogy.
ALSO. I was like yesterday-years old when I learned that Jessica Lange does not play Lady Capulet in Baz Luhrmann’s Romeo & Juliet. I would have gone to my grave thinking that was her. Not Diane Venora WHO IS ALSO IN HEAT. I also thought huh I wonder if Diane Venora was also the female lead in Kalifornia with Brad Pitt and David Duchovny, she indeed is not, she was played by Michelle Forbes who was the mom in The Killing AND Maryann in True Blood.
Currently listening to Sufferer. 2017’s self-titled, one-album concept metal project. A heatmap of the varying, caustically cruel words we say to ourselves in the throes of a full collapse (and the equally shitty things people say to us at the same time).
Blonde Redhead have a new album out, Sit Down For Dinner. Maybe that’ll be my first deep dive record in a long time. Whatever I end up doing, I just have to start. Just like this. It’s a muscle to flex. Weird flex but ok.
Therapy today reminded me of progress over perfection. But progress is so slow. And I’ve backslid enough to make it feel pretty futile. Or shit is just always a juggling act and your focus might have to shift too often to really do anything well but you have to in order to survive. (Yikes. I swear I am actually more happy than it sounds.)
This is the part where, were I in recovery, I would “just turn it over.” I miss that ability. But the faith just isn’t there anymore. I do, however, have faith that the empty space will again be filled by something I can’t even guess, so why bother?
OK so here’s how you did great today, sweetie:
- You did a whole look. You may have forgotten the gold spike bracelets you wanted to include but it still landed and the pics turned out cute so there you go.
- You wrote! You fuckin did. You turned off 20/20 and wrote. Multiple paragraphs.
- Fuck feeling like you have to have three examples that’s the patriarchy, set that down.